Fetish Crossdressing vs. Lifestyle Crossdressing

By Ms Ally of sissyschool.com

Are you curious about the difference between fetish crossdressing and lifestyle crossdressing?

In my position of Headmistress of Sissy School and FemPhone, I have had the opportunity to speak with hundreds of cross dressers and sissies. I have also been involved with many that enjoy both fetish and lifestyle crossdressing in my personal life, as lovers, friends and acquaintances. I find gender play to be a fascinating area of both erotic play and lifestyle, and have spent much time speaking with others who share my interest in crossdressing, both M to F crossdressing, and F to M.

This essay will discuss what I have found, through my discussions and involvement with crossdressers and who are interested in crossdressing, to be the differences between those whose crossdressing is limited to the erotic, or fetish crossdressing.

Many if not most of the crossdressers and sissies ( or “submissive crossdressers”) I have had the opportunity to speak with on the phone are interested in erotic crossdressing. However, some crossdressers also consider themselves to be lifestyle crossdressers as well. Categorizing any group of people into subgroups is always hard and rarely productive, but for the purpose of this essay I will attempt to explain my understanding of the differences between the two aforementioned groups of crossdressers, and to provide some valuable resources for both.

Fetish Crossdressing

The crossdressers who I’ve met who are into strictly erotic cross dressing, rarely tell me that they’ve ventured out of the privacy of their own homes in female clothing. These crossdressers’ interest in crossdressing may be limited to fetishistic items such as panties, bras and stockings.

These crossdressers may or may not have access to or own cosmetics; if they do, they may not have progressed beyond the occasional application of lipstick or mascara: many fetish cross dressers are not going for a “passing” look; they are simply enjoying the feminization feel of the particular item or items they are playing with at the time.

There are also those crossdressers whose interest in cross dressing is fetishistic, who do aim for a fully feminized look. Of particular interest to this writer, are those crossdressers whose enjoyment of fetish crossdressing is focused as much on the process of feminization, as the result. Hour of pleasure are experienced ny the fetish crossdresser during the activities of shopping for very specific items such as perfect shades of lipstick, panties made of a very particular material and cut, and just the right height of heel. T

hen, when all of the items have been obtained, the process of going from drab to femmy-fab, which can take hours in itself, can also be a most pleasurable and erotic experience for the erotic crossdresser, providing as much or more pleasure as the moment of truth: stepping in front of the full-length mirror and seeing a perfectly feminized Goddess or Sissy Slut or Woman staring back at you.

Fetish crossdressers may also enjoy coerced crossdressing, which involves a partner coercing, seducing or forcing the would-be crossdresser into female clothes – usually this fantasy/fetish arises when there is an element of guilt stemming from the desire to crossdress: if the male is coerced into crossdressing, then the desire is not really his, thus neither is the guilt. Nifty how that works!

Lifestyle Crossdressing

There are those crossdressers whose interest in cross dressing is not only limited to the Erotic, but also extends into the core of who they are. These cross dressers may or may not consider themselves to be transexual. They may or may not feel that they were born a genetic female inside the body of a male: most of those I’ve spoken with do not have the desire to become physiologically female: they simply feel more comfortable in female clothing and makeup, and spend as much time as possible dressed en femme.

I have spoken to crossdressers who, although they do not wish to go through with a full SRS (sexual reassignment surgery), have come to the point where they are completely comfortable with their female identity, even getting to the point where they live 24/7 as a female, working and socializing while fully feminized.

Living and coping with gender issues is something that is a challenge for many people. Our area of crossdressing touches more upon the Erotic, than counseling and advising crossdressers. However, at Sissy School and Fem Phone, we have a deep understanding about the issues that lifestyle crossdressing can present, because we spend many hours each week speaking with crossdressers of all kinds, hearing their stories, listening to their challenges, and discussing the things that are important to them.

Female Friends of Crossdressers

Many cross dressers and sissies come to us seeking someone to listen, someone to understand. Quite a few tell us that no one in their life is aware of their crossdressing. At the very least, we at Sissy School and Femphone feel that we are providing an understanding ear to crossdressers who have no one in their lives with whom they can share their girlie side. Not all of the phone calls we accept get into the fetishist crossdressing realm – many just call to chat and talk “girl talk” – and we love it!

We have many free resources for both the fetish and lifestyle crossdressing communities. On Sissy School, we feature a very active and popular message board: And we are proud to announce that within the next month we should be welcoming our TWENTY THOUSANDTH member! As our friends over at that other website say “you are truly not alone.” If you are still at the stage where you are coming to terms with your crossdressing feelings, a strong support system is very important to help you find your way through your feelings. You can also find supportive friends in the Feminization Chat Room.

Gender play and gender swapping can be a fascinating aspect of life. It can also cause feelings of guilt and inner conflict. A strong and understanding support system can make this much easier. We hope you choose to explore the resources that we offer to the lifestyle crossdressing community.

Be Well,
Ms Ally