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Fetish Crossdressing vs. Lifestyle Crossdressing

By Ms Ally of


Crossdressing Feminization Training (800) 601-6975Let’s talk fetish about crossdressing vs. lifestyle crossdressing. In my position of Headmistress of Sissy School and FemPhone, I have had the opportunity to speak with hundreds of cross dressers and sissies. I have also been involved with erotic and lifestyle crossdressers in my personal life, as lovers, friends, and acquaintances. I find gender play to be a fascinating area of both erotic play and lifestyle, and have spent much time speaking with others who share my interest in crossdressing, both M to F crossdressing, and F to M.

This essay will discuss what I have found, through my discussions and involvement with fetish crossdressers and those who are interested in crossdressing as a lifestyle, to be the differences between those two groups.

Many if not most of the crossdressers and sissies ( or “submissive crossdressers”) I meet on the phone are interested in erotic crossdressing. However, some crossdressers also consider themselves to be lifestyle crossdressers, too. Categorizing any group of people into subgroups is always hard and rarely productive. However, for the purpose of this essay, I will attempt to explain my understanding of the differences between the two aforementioned groups of crossdressers, and to provide some valuable resources for both.


Fetish Crossdressing


sissy punishment Sissy School Crossdresser Training (800) 601-6975The crossdressers who I’ve met who are into strictly erotic cross dressing, rarely tell me that they’ve ventured out of the privacy of their own homes in female clothing. These crossdressers’ interest in crossdressing may be limited to fetishistic items such as panties, bras and stockings. These crossdressers may or may not have access to or own cosmetics. If they do, they may not have progressed beyond the occasional application of lipstick or mascara. Many fetish cross dressers are not going for a “passing” look; they are simply enjoying the feminization feel of the particular item or items they are playing with at the time.

There are also those crossdressers whose interest in cross dressing is fetishistic, who do aim for a fully feminized look. These crossdressers are as focused on the process of feminization as they are the result.

The fetish crossdresser experiences hours of pleasure while shopping for very specific items such as perfect shades of lipstick, panties made of a very particular material and cut, and just the right height of heel. Then, when all of the items are obtained, the process of going from drab to femmy-fab, which can take hours in itself, is also a pleasurable and erotic experience. It provides as much, if not more pleasure than the moment of truth; stepping in front of the full-length mirror and seeing a perfectly feminized Goddess or Slut or Woman staring back at you.

Fetishistic crossdressers may also enjoy coerced crossdressing, which involves a partner coercing, seducing or forcing the would-be crossdresser into female clothes – usually this fantasy/fetish arises when there is an element of guilt stemming from the desire to crossdress: if the male is coerced into crossdressing, then the desire is not really his, thus neither is the guilt. Nifty how that works!


The Lifestyle Crossdresser


Lifestyle vs Fetish Crossdressing (800) 601-6975There are those crossdressers whose interest goes beyond the erotic. It also extends into the core of who they are. These cross dressers may or may not consider themselves to be transexual. They may or may not feel that they were born a genetic female inside the body of a male. Most of those I’ve spoken with do not have the desire to become physiologically female. They simply feel more comfortable in female clothing and makeup, and spend as much time as possible dressed en femme.

I have spoken to crossdressers who, although they do not wish to go through with a full SRS (sexual reassignment surgery), have come to the point where they are completely comfortable with their female identity. Many are even at the point where they live 24/7 as a female, working and socializing while fully feminized.

Living and coping with gender issues is something that is a challenge for many people. Our area of crossdressing touches more upon the Erotic, than counselling and advising crossdressers. However, at Sissy School and Fem Phone, we have a deep understanding about the issues that crossdressers deal with, because we spend many hours each week speaking with crossdressers of all kinds, hearing their stories, listening to their challenges, and discussing the thing that are important to them.


Female Friends of Crossdressers


Lifestyle vs Fetish Crossdressing (800) 601-6975Many cross dressers and sissies come to us seeking someone to listen, someone to understand. Quite a few tell us that no one in their life is aware of their crossdressing. At the very least, we at Sissy School and Femphone feel that we are providing an understanding ear to crossdressers who have no one in their lives with whom they can share their girlie side. Not all of the phone calls we accept get into the fetishist crossdressing realm. Many just call to chat and talk “girl talk” – and we love it!

We have many free resources for the crossdressing community. On Sissy School, we feature a very active and popular message board. And, we are proud to announce that we’ve welcomed our TWENTY THOUSANDTH member! As our friends over at that other website say, “you are truly not alone.” If you are still at the stage where you are coming to terms with your crossdressing feelings, a strong support system is very important to help you find your way through your feelings. You can also find supportive friends in the Feminization Chat Room.

Gender play and gender swapping can be a fascinating aspect of life. It can also cause feelings of guilt and inner conflict. A strong and understanding support system can make this much easier. We hope you choose to explore the resources that we offer to the Crossdressing community:

Be Well,

Ms Ally